steven.vu

Movie Review – Banlieue 13 aka B13

A film co written by Luc Besson; set in Paris 2010, packed with lots of free running (Parkour) and a leading lady who used to do porn. Don’t let the fact that it’s made by a bunch of cheese eating surrender monkeys dissuade you.

If that sounds like your cup of tea then read on. Better yet, go to your local bittorrent tracker.

Trailer

The film’s set in Paris 2010 where the city has walled in the banlieues. I think they were trying to draw contrasts with that beloved sliced and diced swiss cheese state that…i’ll digress.

The French subtitles refer to banlieue as barrios. I find it a tad annoying:

• Banlieue
• Ghetto
• Barrios
• Favela
• Gacekondas
• Chawls

They all mean the same thing. Poor cunts living next to a city, defined by a high level of unemployment and the crime it entails.

I just love how Luc Besson portrays women. It’s how all men fantasize women should be. Spunky.

Lola and her panties.

So the waif like girl has been kidnapped by K2, a fat mother fucker with lots of guns. He halls her past a platoon of mercenaries. One grabs her arse and tells her what he’d like to do with her. Five minutes later and the roles are reversed, she’s got the gun. As they’re leaving she shoves a gun in the guys face. Takes off her panties, shoves it in the guys mouth and makes him chew it.

The film is light on plot and heavy on action. I don’t like writing about films. Just fucking watch it.

For more information about what the film is actually about, head on over to IMDB.

Weekly Media – Oriental Movies

I haven’€™t written in a while- the reasons are too dull to be detailed here. This week I’€™ve decided to review two largely ignored Oriental films. There is something I like about Oriental films in general; horror is generally more intense, action usually better choreographed, any quirkiness just quirkier. My preference is not influenced solely by racial bias’€¦

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Weekly Media – Pop is to music as Teen is to movie

In recent years, the term ‘€œteen movie’€? has become distinctly dirty. In the same way that no credible musician appears willing to class their work as being of the ‘€œpop’€? genre, anyone with any sense of proud pretension is very unlikely to admit their fondness for a film genre long associated with shallow characters, laughably derivative plots and hand-stuck-to-the-penis jokes. However, as with a trip to a vintage clothes store (or indeed TK Maxx), genuine greats can be found amongst piles of steaming, soiled rubbish. This week I review two of my all-time favourites:

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Return of the King

I think they got tired after blowin $93 Million on the rest of the film. The last few shots they got a lil kid to play the old guy I can’t remember the name of (Attention span problems). Of course they forgot to tell the kid to be so spritely so it looks silly.

You probably won’t get the same idea with some screengrabs but hey:

I’m really old and should hobble

But then again I might be a spritely little kid in a wig.

Weekly Media – L’Appartement

Following BT’€™s very successful narcissism-themed review, I had every intention to emulate (shamelessly rip-off) the concept. However, for reasons I cannot explain, the only theme I could think of was that of ‘€œMacaulay Culkin: the Wilderness Years’€?. Unfortunately, since his mid-nineties disappearance into obscurity, Macaulay’€™s career seems to have struggled to regain the momentum it once had: his filmography as an adult performer amounting to the paltry sum of two films as a result. Perhaps when Macaulay finishes defending the man who allegedly did not molest him and completes another, that themed review shall materialise. Until that day arrives, however, you’€™ll have to make do with my thoughts on the French romantic thriller L’€™Appartement and its Hollywood remake:

L’€™Appartement (1996- French with subtitles)

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The Fog of War

Is airing on BBC2 at 10. Highly informative but incredibly boring after the first 45min.